Ryoko's Crazy Trigun Christmas Drabbles!
by WhitePhoenixRyoko
Summary: (Rated for a bit of kinkyness in later chappies) Fun with mistletoe! Crazy Christmas carols! Christmas parties gone wrong! In other words, pure insanity! NOW COMPLETE!
1. Caroling, Part I: 12 Days of Christmas

_(Note: This fanfic was typed Saturday, December 18, 2004)_

**A/N:**

Ryoko: ::bouncing off the walls:: CHRISTMAS IS IN EXACTLY A WEEK!!! A WEEK!!! I can't wait! And Blaze-chan gave me the 3rd Trigun Maximum! **DOMO ARIGATO, BLAZE-CHAN!!!!!** ::glomps her:: Ok, in the spirit of Christmas, I decided to compile a little series of holiday drabbles! _Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!_ ::zooms off into the other room::

Vash: ::sweatdrops:: I knew she shouldn't have stayed up 'til 5:00 in the morning...

Ryoko: (from the other room) Blaze and I were breaking our record! Now, enough flappin' our jaws and onward to the first drabble, which is a Christmas carol!

Vash: Right.

Ryoko: Y'know the drill; no flames, no claims, flames will be used to warm my freezing fingers and to roast marshmallows and hotdogs!

Legato: ::randomly runs in and steals hotdogs; hides in corner, stroking them:: My preciousssssssss.....

Vash: OoU ::sweatdrop::

Ryoko: Ha! You call that a Gollum imitation? I can do _waaaay_ better than that!

Legato: ::glares:: _Mine._

Ryoko: ::stares for a second; shrugs:: Oh well; 'tis the season.....I guess.....

Vash: OoU (still weirded out at Legato's imitation) Just go on to the disclaimer and warnings.

Ryoko: Otays!

**Disclaimer:** Me no own. You no sue. Okeys? OKEYS! I dunno who owns The 12 Days of Christmas, but it's not me! I'm just one of the gazillion people who likes to sing it...

**Warnings:** Wolfwood/Vash (and possible Vash/Wolfwood?) in later chapters, maybe some Wolfwood/Millie and Vash/Meryl, stupidity beyondwhat is considered safe, future OOC-ness, and fun with mistletoe. Maybe I'll put in myself andafewof my friends later on.....and perhaps I could put in a few reviewers...but please note that if I do decide to do that, I will decide who to put in the drabbles. And to be fair, no bribing, begging, threatening, etc. And definitly no flaming or claiming.

Ryoko: Oh yeah, and BTW, in this carol, the lines that're unmarked (as in who's singing what part) are the parts sung by everyone. Speaking of which, it's sung by the main characters (Meryl, Wolfwood, Vash, and Millie), a couple Gung-Ho Guns (Midvalley, Dominique, and Legato), Leonof's puppet Unica (it's from the manga. Not too sure about the anime...), and some side characters (Frank Marlon, Moore, and Lina). Just so y'alls know!

Vash: OO ::staring at Ryoko:: Oh.....my sock.....

Ryoko: What?

Vash: OO You just said "y'alls."

Ryoko: NOOOOOO!!! I'M TURNING SOUTHERN!!! YAAAAAAAHHH ok I'm done. Onward to the caroling!

Vash: OO Right.

* * *

--------------------------------------------- 

**CAROLING, PART I:**

**THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS**

---------------------------------------------

On the first day of Christmas

Knives-sama gave to me:

A drunken Vash the Stampede!

---

On the second day of Christmas

Knives-sama gave to me:

_Meryl: _Two insurance girls,

And a drunken Vash the Stampede!

---

On the third day of Christmas

Knives-sama gave to me:

_Midvalley: _Three hidden guns,

_Meryl: _Two insurance girls,

And a drunken Vash the Stampede!

---

On the fourth day of Christmas

Knives-sama gave to me:

_Wolfwood: _Four rocket launchers,

_Midvalley: _Three hidden guns,

_Meryl: _Two insurance girls,

And a drunken Vash the Stampede!

---

On the fifth day of Christmas

Knives-sama gave to me:

_Vash: _Five donut rings!

_Wolfwood: _Four rocket launchers,

_Midvalley: _Three hidden guns,

_Meryl: _Two insurance girls,

And a drunken Vash the Stampede!

---

On the sixth day of Christmas

Knives-sama gave to me:

_Frank Marlon: _Six mugs of beer,

_Vash: _Five donut rings!

_Wolfwood: _Four rocket launchers,

_Midvalley: _Three hidden guns,

_Meryl: _Two insurance girls,

And a drunken Vash the Stampede!

---

On the seventh day of Christmas

Knives-sama gave to me:

_Millie: _Seven bowls of pudding,

_Frank Marlon: _Six mugs of beer,

_Vash: _Five donut rings!

_Wolfwood: _Four rocket launchers,

_Midvalley: _Three hidden guns,

_Meryl: _Two insurance girls,

And a drunken Vash the Stampede!

---

On the eighth day of Christmas

Knives-sama gave to me:

_Unica: _Eight crazy puppets,

_Millie: _Seven bowls of pudding,

_Frank Marlon: _Six mugs of beer,

_Vash: _Five donut rings!

_Wolfwood: _Four rocket launchers,

_Midvalley: _Three hidden guns,

_Meryl: _Two insurance girls,

And a drunken Vash the Stampede!

---

On the nineth day of Christmas

Knives-sama gave to me:

_Moore: _Nine more rubber bullets,

_Unica: _Eight crazy puppets,

_Millie: _Seven bowls of pudding,

_Frank Marlon: _Six mugs of beer,

_Vash: _Five donut rings!

_Wolfwood: _Four rocket launchers,

_Midvalley: _Three hidden guns,

_Meryl: _Two insurance girls,

And a drunken Vash the Stampede!

---

On the tenth day of Christmas

Knives-sama gave to me:

_Dominique: _Ten acward moments,

_Moore: _Nine more rubber bullets,

_Unica: _Eight crazy puppets,

_Millie: _Seven bowls of pudding,

_Frank Marlon: _Six mugs of beer,

_Vash: _Five donut rings!

_Wolfwood: _Four rocket launchers,

_Midvalley: _Three hidden guns,

_Meryl: _Two insurance girls,

And a drunken Vash the Stampede!

---

On the eleventh day of Christmas

Knives-sama gave to me:

_Lina: _Eleven battles fought,

_Dominique: _Ten acward moments,

_Moore: _Nine more rubber bullets,

_Unica: _Eight crazy puppets,

_Millie: _Seven bowls of pudding,

_Frank Marlon: _Six mugs of beer,

_Vash: _Five donut rings!

_Wolfwood: _Four rocket launchers,

_Midvalley: _Three hidden guns,

_Meryl: _Two insurance girls,

And a drunken Vash the Stampede!

---

On the twelvth day of Christmas

Knives-sama gave to me:

_Legato: _Twelve Gung-Ho Guns,

_Lina: _Eleven battles fought,

_Dominique: _Ten acward moments,

_Moore: _Nine more rubber bullets,

_Unica: _Eight crazy puppets,

_Millie: _Seven bowls of pudding,

_Frank Marlon: _Six mugs of beer,

_Vash: _Five donut rings!

_Wolfwood: _Four rocket launchers,

_Midvalley: _Three hidden guns,

_Meryl: _Two insurance girls.....

And a druuuuunkeeeeen Vash the Staaaampeeeeeeeede!

* * *

Ryoko: And I made that one up with the help of Blaze and Zoro-lover, aka Juusan! 

Vash: ::pouts:: What about me?

Ryoko: Well....you helped a little...

Vash: ::grins::

Ryoko: R&R!!! TBC!!!


	2. Caroling, Part II: Meryl Got Run Over By...

**A/N:**

Ryoko: Yeah, I know I missed y'alls yesterday...

Vash: You said "y'alls" again...

Ryoko: ::sigh:: Anyways, to make up for it, here's 2 updates!

-----

**REPLY TO READERS!!!**

**Kit Aurora:** Eeeeeeee! Hana-chaaaaaan'scome to annoyme!::glomps:: Glad you liked it!

**vAsHismYnIcKnAmE:** O.O wow...nice name! Gave me some trouble remembering the caps and stuff....but glad you reviewed! Here's the update!

**Leia:** Know my name? Vash? _My_ Wolfwood? .....Wait, who is this? Ara.? Laur.? (Laur., is that you?_ I_ think it is...) Weeeeell...let me know which one it is! Glad you liked it!

-----

**DISCLAIMER:** Me no own. You no sue. Okeys? OKEYS!

* * *

---------------------------------------------------------- 

**CAROLING, PART II:**

**MERYL GOT RUN OVER BY A THOMAS**

----------------------------------------------------------

Meryl got run over by a Thomas  
Walking home from our house Christmas eve.  
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,  
But as for me and Vash-san, we believe.

She'd been drinkin' too much egg nog,  
And we'd begged her not to go.  
But she just denied her ineberation,  
So she stumbled out the door into the snow.

When they found her Christmas mornin',  
At the scene of the attack.  
There were Thomas prints on her forehead,  
And incriminatin' Claus marks on her back.

Meryl got run over by a Thomas,  
Walkin' home from our house Christmas eve.  
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,  
But as for me and Vash-san, we believe.

Now we're all so proud of Vash-san,  
He's been takin' this so well.  
See him in there watchin' lots of TV,  
Drinkin' beer and playin' cards with Wolfwood-san.

It's not Christmas without Meryl.  
All the family's dressed in black.  
And we just can't help but wonder:  
Should we open up her gifts or send them back?

Meryl got run over by a Thomas,  
Walkin' home from our house Christmas eve.  
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,  
But as for me and Vash-san, we believe.

Now the turkey's on the table  
And the chocolate pudding Millie loves  
And a blue and silver candle,  
That wouldhave matched Meryl's hair from above

I've warned all my friends and neighbours.  
"Better watch out for yourselves."  
They should never give a license,  
To a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves.

Meryl got run over by a Thomas,  
Walkin' home from our house, Christmas eve.  
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,  
But as for me and Vash-san, we believe.

* * *

Ryoko: Zere.

Vash: Ack. Corny-ness.

Ryoko: Shaddap.

Vash: Ok.

Ryoko: R&R!!! TBC!!!


	3. Caroling, Part III: Vashu The RedCoated ...

**A/N:**

Ryoko: Heeheehee! I got cookies and punch! ::corny evil laugh::

Vash: Um...Ryoko? ....Ryoko, what're doing with the punch?

Ryoko: What you didwith the egg nog!

Vash: Ryoko, don't you dare...get off the computer; you're gonna break it!

Ryoko: ::dancing:: No I'm not!

Vash: Well, you better keep your clothes on!

Ryoko: Wow....is it just me, or is it hot in here? ::fans self with hand::

Vash: OO You wouldn't...

Wolfwood: ::walks in, stares at Ryoko:: Um....Vash? What's she been eating and drinking?

Vash: ::counting on fingers:: Oh, a couple cookies, lots of peanut brittle, a candy cane or two, 4 glasses of punch....

Wolfwood: OO

Vash: What?

Wolfwood: OO ::points at Ryoko::

Vash: OO What....the....crap....

Ryoko: ::is jumping up and down, flapping her arms:: Here's a llama, there's a llama, and another little llama, fuzzy llama, funny llama, llama llama, duck!

Wolfwood: OO What's up with the llama song?

Vash: OO Don't ask me...

Wolfwood: OO I think I'll go get Blaze's tranquilizer gun.

Vash: OO You do that...I guess I'll have to do the disclaimer...Anyways, Ryoko doesn't own Trigun. If she did...

Ryoko: ::interrupts Vash:: I'd make you and Wolfwood pose so I could draw lot and lots of yaoi doujinshi!!!

Vash: OoU ....ooookeeyyyy......Fortunitly, she doesn't own Trigun. All she has is some mangas. And her "Vash Pin Of Doom." And some magazines. And lots of fanart she's drawn. And....sheesh, how much stuff does she have?!

Ryoko: ::standing on her head:: I dunno, but I'll have more come Christmas!

Vash: ::hides:: I'm scared.....

Ryoko: Bwahaha! I scare people! XD

* * *

---------------------------------------------------------- 

**CAROLING, PART III:**

**VASHU THE RED-COATED GUNMAN**

----------------------------------------------------------

Vashu, the red-coated gunman  
had a very shiny coat  
and if you ever saw it  
you would even say it glows  
all of the other humans  
used to laugh and call him names  
they never let poor Vashu  
join in any quick-draw games  
then one foggy Christmas eve  
Knivesy came to say:  
"Vashu with your coat so bright  
won't you blow up July tonight?"  
then how the bounty hunters loved him  
as they shouted out with glee  
"Vashu, the red-coated gunman  
you'll go down in history!"

* * *

Wolfwood: ::panting, out of breath:: Ok, I think she's under control now... 

Vash: ::also out of breath:: Yeah...

(Ryoko is curled up on a couch, sleeping.)

Wolfwood: ::holds up tranquilizer gun:: Well, I'd better return this before...

Blaze: WOLFWOOOOOOD!!!! DID YOU TAKE MY TRANQUILIZER GUNAGAIN?!?!

Wolfwood: oo Eep! ::runs off::

Vash: Um....R&R! TBC!

Ryoko: ::opens an eye:: Hey! That's my line!


	4. Caroling, Part IV: Wolfwood Baby

**A/N:**

Ryoko: ::sitting at computer; randomly starts singing the _Cowboy Bebop_ ending theme,_ The Real Folk Blues_... in Japanese:: Aishiteta to nageku ni wa/Amari ni mo toki wa sugite shimatta...

Vash: ::looks up at her from the floor, where he's playing Tetris:: Could you keep it down? I'm trying to beat this level...

Ryoko: ::looks down at Vash:: You still playing that blasted game?

Vash: ::chibi grin; pumps fist in the air:: 84 levels and counting!

Ryoko: ::sweatdrops, sighs; starts rocking around in her chair. starts singing a portion of the llama song...again:: Did you ever see a llama, kiss a llama, on a llama, llama's llama, tastes of llama, llama llama, duck!

Vash: ::pauses Tetris, looks up at Ryoko again:: What was _that_ all about?

Ryoko: ::slumps in chair:: I'm _boooored!_

Vash: Then why don't you update that Christmas fanfic, then?

Ryoko: I _could_ do that... ::cocks head to the side, thinking:: ...or I could work on that yaoi doujinshi I started.

Vash: OoU Oh boy. And _what_, might I ask, is the pairing?

Ryoko: ::grins evilly:: Wolfwood X You.

Vash: Oo Why do you like Wolfwood X Me so much?!

Ryoko: Why else? ::does Botan's (from Yu Yu Hakusho) chibi kitty face:: 'Cuz it's _kyooooooot_!

Vash: Oo Ok, I think I'll just cower in that corner for a while...

Ryoko: ::pouts:: _Fine._ I'll update...

Vash: ::turns chibi; cheers:: Yay!

Ryoko: ..._then_ I'll work on the yaoi doujinshi. ::grins evilly...again::

Vash: ::goes back to normal; disappointed:: Awww...

**DISCLAIMER:** Me no own. You no sue. Okeys? OKEYS! And I dunno who owns "Santa Baby," but I adore whoever wrote that song! It's one of my favorite Christmas songs!

Ryoko: Ah yes, and this one's slightly modified and kinda kinky...from a not-so-innocent Millie to a certain "Mr. Priest."

Wolfwood: Um...you _are_ aware that Blaze is gonna kill you if she finds out, right?

Ryoko: _So?_ She's my friend! She'd never kill me!

Wolfwood: ::sweatdrops; mutters under breath:: I beg to differ...

Ryoko: ::glares at him:: What was that, Wolfwood-san?

Wolfwood: ::raises hands in defence:: Nothing!

Ryoko: ::goes back to normal:: Oh....ok! ::smiles::

Vash: Yay Wolfwood X Millie!

Ryoko: Remember: yaoi doujinshi!

Vash: Shutting up.

Ryoko: Good boy! Have a donut! ::gives him a box of donuts::

Vash: Yay! ::proceeds to stuff his face::

Ryoko: ::laughs:: Silly Tongari...

* * *

---------------------------------------------------------- 

**CAROLING, PART IV:**

**WOLFWOOD BABY**

----------------------------------------------------------

Wolfwood baby, slip a sable under the tree, for me  
I've been an awful good girl  
Wolfwood baby, and hurry down to my room tonight

---

Wolfwood baby, an out-of-space convertible too, light blue  
I'll wait up for you dear

Wolfwood baby, and hurry down to my room tonight

---

Think of all the fun I've missed  
Think of all the gunmen that I haven't kissed  
Next year I could be just as good  
If you'd check off my Christmas list

---

Wolfwood honey, I wanna yacht and really that's not

A lot  
I've been an angel all year  
Wolfwood baby, and hurry down to my room tonight

---

Wolfwood cutie, there's one thing I really do need, the deed  
To a pudding factory  
Wolfwood cutie, and hurry down to my room tonight

---

Wolfwood baby, fill my stocking with a duplex, and checks  
Sign your 'X' on the line  
Wolfwood baby, and hurry down to my room tonight

---

Come and trim my Christmas tree  
With some decorations bought at Tiffany's  
I really do believe in you  
Let's see if you believe in me

---

Wolfwood baby, forgot to mention one little thing,

A ring  
I don't mean on the phone  
Wolfwood baby, and hurry down to my room tonight  
Hurry down to my room tonight  
Hurry down to my room tonight

* * *

Ryoko: See what I mean by "kinky"?

Vash: Yes, very much. ::nudges Wolfwood:: But I'm sure _somebody_ enjoyed it!

Wolfwood: ::blushing madly; glares at Ryoko and Vash:: Are you insinuating something?

Ryoko: ::has a little halo over her head, but with little horns poking out from her hair; smiles angelicly:: Insinuate? _Me?_ I would _never!_

Wolfwood: ::raises an eyebrow:: Oh really? Then why do you have devil horns?

Vash: 'Cuz she's got a horny mind!

Ryoko: ::glares; waves the FPOD (Frying Pan Of Doom, for those of you who don't know):: That's _beside_ the point, Tongari.

Vash: Shutting up again.

Wolfwood: And I ask again: If you're so angelic, then why do you have devil horns?

Ryoko: ::grins:: To keep my halo straight.

Vash&Wolfwood: ::anime fall::

Ryoko: What? Is my halo crooked?

Vash&Wolfwood: --U ..........

Ryoko: ::shrugs:: Oh well. R&R! TBC!


	5. Caroling, Part V: Christmas Time Is Here

_(Pre-Auther's Notes Notes: Sorry; I've been having a little of what I call a"Dead Ryoko Day" today. I guess the computer's having a "Dead Computer Day" as well, seeing as it randomly restarted itself while I was uploading this fanfic onto the Document Manager. ::stabs the crap out of a Vicious voodoo doll:: Evil, evil computer!!! Anyways, here's the update, as promised.)_

**A/N:**

Ryoko: ::bouncing off the walls:: Phewee! Update, and it's now Thursday the 23rd!

Vash: ::also bouncing off the walls:: Only like 2 more days 'til Christmas!

Blaze: ::shakes head:: Ryoko and her crazy boyfriend...

Ryoko: Blaze, if I were you, I wouldn't be talkin'! Besides, remember when Wolfwood went all crazy a few months ago?

Blaze: ::sweatdrop:: Oh yeah...don't remind me... --U

Wolfwood: Hey! How was I suppossed to know that perfume was messed up?!

Ryoko: Perhaps you coulda read the warning label!

Blaze: ::pokes Ryoko:: Um, Ryoko?

Ryoko: ::hangs upside-down from a rafter:: Haaaaaii? (Note: "Hai" means "yes" in Japanese!)

Blaze: There was no warning label on the perfume.

Ryoko: Oh yeah... ::shakes fist in the air:: CURSE YOU, TOTALLY SPIES!!! CUUURRSSSSSE YOOOOOOUU!!!!!

Vash: Oo

Ryoko: Anyways, on to the disclaimer, reply to readers, and fanfic!

-----

**REPLY TO READERS!!!**

**Kit Aurora:** Noooooooo! You've come to annoy me again! lol; well, see you on ET!!!

**Disclaimer:** Me no own. You no sue. Okeys? OKEYS! Dunno who owns Alvin and the Chipmunks' song "Christmas Time Is Here," but I do know that the way they sing it is freakin' cute!

Ryoko: Ah yes, and some chibi Gung-Ho Guns are singing this carol!

Vash: OO D-Did you just say..._chibi_ Gung-Ho Guns?!

Ryoko: Yep! Chibi Dominique, Chibi Zazie, and Chibi Legato, to be precise! So, this'll pretty much be insanity!

Vash: OO ::faints::

Ryoko: ::sweatdrops; shakes head:: And the parts in italics are thespoken parts, FYI. And the parts that aren't labeled are sung by all the chibis.

_

* * *

_

------------------------------------

**CAROLING, PART V:**

**CHRISTMAS TIME IS HERE**

**-------------------------------------------**

_Ryoko: All right, you guys! Ready to sing your song?  
Chibi Dominique: I'll say we are!  
Chibi Zazie: Yeah!  
Chibi Legato: Let's sing it now!  
Ryoko: Okay, Dominique?  
Chibi Dominique: Okay!  
Ryoko: Okay, Zazie?  
Chibi Zazie: Okay!  
Ryoko: Okay, Legato? .....Legato? LEGATO!  
Chibi Legato: OKAY!!!_

Christmas, Christmas time is near  
Time for toys and time for cheer  
We've been good, but we can't last  
Hurry Christmas, hurry fast  
Want a plane that loops the loop  
Chibi Zazie: Me, I want a sandworm, too  
We can hardly stand the wait  
Please Christmas, don't be late

_Ryoko: Okay guys, get ready. That was very good, Dominique.  
Chibi Dominique: Naturally!  
Ryoko: Very good, Zazie.  
Chibi Zazie: ::giggles::  
Ryoko: Ah, Legato, you were a little flat, watch it. Um, Legato? .....Legato? LEGATO!  
Chibi Legato: OKAY!_

Want a plane that loops the loop  
Chibi Zazie: I still want a sandworm, too  
We can hardly stand the wait  
Please Christmas, don't be late  
We can hardly stand the wait  
Please Christmas, don't be late

_Ryoko: Very good, guys.  
Chibi Zazie: Lets sing it again!_

_Chibi Legato: Yeah, lets sing it again!  
Ryoko: No, that's enough, let's not overdo it.  
Chibi Dominique: What do you mean overdo it?_

_Chibi Zazie: We want to sing it again!  
Ryoko: Now wait a minute, guys...  
Chibi Legato: Why can't we sing it again?  
(Arguing)  
Ryoko: Legato, cut that out! Zazie, just a minute! Dominique, will you cut that out?! Guys..._

* * *

Ryoko: See? Insanity! 

Vash: X.X ::still unconcious::

Ryoko: ::sigh:: I'm off to marry a hot, buff guy from _Cirque Du Soleil_!

Vash: ::wakes up:: NOOOOO!!! ::clamps onto her leg:: Don't leave me!!

Ryoko: ::grins:: Wakes him up every time! Anyways, R&R! TBC!


	6. Caroling, Part VI: I'm Getting Nuttin' F...

**A/N:**

Ryoko: ::high from snarfing one too many candy canes:: Wooooooo! Here we are again with another update!

Vash: ::also high from snarfing one too many candy canes:: And it's Christmas Eve!

Ryoko: ::points at Vash:: What he said!

**(KNOCK KNOCK)**

Vash: Who's there?

Blaze: Aren't ya.

Vash: Aren't ya who?

Blaze: Aren't ya gonna open the door and let a sister in?

Vash: ::opens door, then runs into the bathroom to turn the light on and off::

Ryoko: BLAZE-BLAZE!!!!! ::glomps her to the ground:: Just so everyone knows, all the credit for this chappy goes to Blaze Jons, aka Blaze!!!

Blaze: ::looks around:: There isn't any mistletoe, is there? You _know_ how I feel about mistletoe, don't ya?

Ryoko: ::grins:: Nope! No mistletoe! If there was, then I would push Vash and Wolfwood under it!

Wolfwood: ::sweatdrops:: Here we go again...

Blaze: Thank goodness! Then I don't have to worry about- ::is cut off by Wolfwood::

Wolfwood: ::cutting off Blaze::Oooooooooooohhhh Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazeeeee! Look up!

Blaze: ::looks up to see Wolfwood holding mistletoe over the two of them:: Damn it!

Ryoko: ::giggles insanely:: Heeheeheeheeheeheeheeeee!!! I'm so evil!

Vash: DRAGON!!!::randomly glomps Ryoko to the floor::

Ryoko: ::pinned down by Vash:: _Oof_! Oh my! Well, let's get on with the fanfic before this gets outta hand!

**-----**

**REPLY TO READERS!!!**

**bright future in sales:** hm...nice name; lol! And thanks! (omigosh, Madonna sings "Santa Baby"? You're right; it sounds nothing like her!)

**Blaze Jons:**

_(for chapter 4 review)_ You found it _cute_? ...Yay! You're not gonna kill me! ::dances like Charlie Brown:: Well, glad you liked it!

_(for chapter 5 review)_ ::grins evilly (like Wolfwood's evil grin in Trigun Maximum #1):: Bwahahahaha! Yes; I stole your _Cirque_ threat! PAYBACK FOR YOUR HENTAI LEGATO-WITH-BOOBS PICTURE!!! _BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!_ ::runs off laughing maniacally::

**::IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT::** This fanfic has reached 10 reviews! I've never had 10 reviews for a fanfic until now! ::throws confetti:: And the winning 10th reviewer is.... ::takes a name written on a piece of paper out of a hat that looks just like Quidam's; looks at the name:: ....BLAZE JONS! ::hands her a copy of the first _Megatokyo_ and a hand-drawn Christmas card that has her and Wolfwood on it:: Thanks for reviewing, and Merry Christmas, Blaze-Blaze! ::glomps::

**Disclaimer:** Me no own. You no sue. Okeys? OKEYS! And before you go reviewing, lemme take the time to say that this Christmas carol spoof was all thought up by **Blaze Jons.** Not me, not Vash, not Wolfwood, but **Blaze Jons.** And neither of us own the song, "I'm Getting Nuttin' For Christmas." Oh yeah, and the labeling is as follows:

W: Wolfwood

V: Vash

(W:) Wolfwood talking

And the chorus is sung by both Vash and Wolfwood. The unlabelled parts (excluding the chorus) are sung by the same person who sung the last line.

* * *

---------------------------------------------------------- 

**CAROLING, PART VI:**

**I'M GETTING NUTTIN' FOR CHRISTMAS**

----------------------------------------------------------

W: Broke my gun on Vash's head;  
Somebody snitched on me.  
V: I hid a Thomas in Meryl's bed;  
Somebody snitched on me.  
W: I threw out Blaze's La Nouba DVD  
Went on a cigarette shopping spree  
V: I went and broke Santa's knee  
Somebody snitched on me.

**CHORUS:**

Oh,  
I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas  
Blaze and Ryoko are mad.  
I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas  
'Cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad.

W: I went and grabbed Blaze's ass  
Somebody snitched one me  
V: I had some booze in a glass  
Somebody snitched one me  
W: I stripped while Blaze watched TV  
V: I groped Ryoko and she slapped me  
I took a leak on the Christmas tree  
Somebody snitched on me

**CHORUS:**

Oh,  
I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas  
Blaze and Ryoko are mad.  
I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas  
'Cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad.

V: I won't be seeing Santa Claus; (W: You still believe in him?)  
Somebody snitched on me.  
He won't come visit me because  
Somebody snitched on me.  
Next year I'll be going straight; (W: I hope your already straight!)  
Next year I'll be good, just wait  
I'd start now, but it's too late;  
Somebody snitched on me.  
So you better be good whatever you do  
'Cause if you're bad, I'm warning you,  
You'll get nuttin' for Christmas.

* * *

Ryoko: ::still lying on the floor on her stomach:: Lungs...caving in...... 

Blaze: ::is making out with Wolfwood::

Vash: ::still sitting on Ryoko's back; not paying attention to Ryoko; looks at Blaze and Wolfwood:: You _are_ aware that the fangirls will kill you for that, right?

Ryoko: ::struggling for breath:: What....are they.....doing?

Vash: ::makes a face:: Making out.

Ryoko: What.........kind of...making out?

Blaze: ::stops making out:: Verison 2!

Wolfwood: I wish she would upgrade!

Blaze: ::slaps him::

Wolfwood: Owie!

Blaze: Don't make me leave you for my _Cirque du Soleil_ crush!

Ryoko: Version....2? ::suddenly gets dizzy:: Oh....craaaaaap..... ::passes out from lack of oxygen::

Vash: ::looks down at Ryoko:: Oh dear......um....um...R&R! TBC! If the fangirls don't kill Ryoko and Blaze, that is... ::sweatdrops::

Ryoko: ::scowls; twitches:: You....stole my line.....again....


	7. Ryoko's Crazy Trigun Christmas Party

**A/N:**

Ryoko: Yayness! The last chappy! And just in time for Christmas! This chappy isn't another spoof of a Christmas carol, but it's something my crazy mind cooked up after eating one too many Christmas cookies and drinking one too many glasses of punch!

Vash: And just to warn you, this chapter contains VashRyoko, WolfwoodBlaze, WolfwoodVash, an overload of OOC-ness,and lots of Knives bashing.

Ryoko: Y'know, I've never written something so insanely Mary-Sue...normally, I dispise MS's. Who woulda known I'd make a hypocrite of myself?

Vash: Just don't get into the habit.

Ryoko: Right.

Vash: ::sweatdrop:: Should I go get the yaoi?

Ryoko: Yes, please.

Vash: Ok... ::runs off to get the yaoi::

**Disclaimer:** Me no own. You no sue. Okeys? OKEYS! And to allyou crazedVash, Wolfwood, Legato, Knives, and Rai-Dei fanatics out there, youwould probably be better off not reading this chappy. And keep in mind that **I WILL NOT TOLERATE ANY FLAMES OR CLAIMS.** Constructive criticizm is very welcome, but **I REFUSE TO PUT UP WITH FLAMES.** And saying that you like a certain character is just fine with me, but **DO NOT GO ON A DUMBASS RANT, SAYING SOMETHING LIKE"OMGWTF VASH IS MINE!!!"** Besides, I have no time or patience whatsoever for that kind of bullshit. ::grins::

* * *

**-----------------------------------------------------------------------**

**RYOKO'S CRAZY TRIGUN CHRISTMAS PARTY**

-----------------------------------------------------------

Ryoko: ::pacing around at the front door:: Sheesh, how late are they gonna be?! ::checks her watch::

**DING DONG**

Ryoko: ::perks up:: Someone's here! ::opens door::

Blaze: Ryoko-chan!

Ryoko: Blaze-Blaze! glomps Where's Wolfwood-kun and Vash-chan?

Blaze: I dun-

Wolfwood: ::taps her on the shoulder, Vash standing behind him::

Blaze: Oh, hi Wolfwood!

Wolfwood: ::grinning evilly::

Ryoko&Vash: ::giggles::

Blaze: What's so funny, guys?

Vash: ::walks inside, still giggling::

Blaze: Tell me!

Ryoko: ::giggles:: Look up!

Blaze: ::looks up; sees mistletoe:: Ooohhh crap.

Wolfwood: Pucker up!

Blaze: You better not!

Ryoko: ::pulls Blaze in; shoves Vash in Blaze's place:: Heehee!

Wolfwood: ::kisses Vash::

Vash: OO ?!

Ryoko: HYAAAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! ::takes pictures::

Vash: Gerroffme!! ::pushes Wolfwood away from him::

Wolfwood: ::smirks:: C'mon; you enjoyed it. Admit it.

Vash: ::blushing like crazy::

Blaze: No! Yaoi! XP

Ryoko: Yay! Yaoi! Anyways, come inside! --

Vash: ::glares at Ryoko:: Evil little yaoi fangirl...

Ryoko: And proud of it!

**DING DONG**

Ryoko: I'll get it! ::opens door::

(Legato, Dominique, Zazie, Caine, and Rei-Dei are there)

Ryoko: Domie-chan! ::hugs::

Dominique: Dragon-chan! ::hugs::

Vash&Wolfwood: Dragon-chan??!? Oo?

Ryoko: Don't ya know? "Ryoko" means "Dragon Child" in Japanese!

Vash: Oooh....I don't get it.

Ryoko: ::pats his head:: You don't have to.

Vash: ::sweatdrops::

**DING DONG**

Ryoko: Yay! More guests! ::opens door::

Millie: I brought pudding! ::holds up bowl of chocolate pudding::

Meryl: Um...peanut brittle? ::has big metal tin of peanut brittle::

Ryoko: Yay! C'mon, come in!

Legato: ::steps right in front of Ryoko::

Ryoko: Can I....help you?

Legato: ....hot dogs.

Ryoko: ...? Pardon?

Legato: _Hot dogs._

Ryoko: Sorry; the only thing I made closest to hot dogs are pigs in blankets.

Legato: _Where._

Ryoko: ::points:: Dining room, on the table.

Legato: ::walks off::

Ryoko: ::shivvers:: Yeesh, what a creepy guy!

**DING DONG**

Ryoko: ::looks out blinds, glares:: I'm not getting it.

Vash: What? Who is it? ::looks out:: Huh?

Wolfwood: What? ::also looks out:: Why the hell did you invite _him_?

Ryoko: I dunno; it was Vash's idea!

Vash: Hey!

Wolfwood: Fine. _I'll_ get it. ::opens door::

Ryoko: ::immediatly steps directly in front of Knives so their bodies are barely an inch apart; glares at him:: I see you made it.

Knives: ::glares back:: Yeah.

(Knives is about a head taller than Ryoko, so Ryoko's nose would be about at the base of his neck)

Ryoko: ::prods his chest with her finger:: And as long as you're here, I will _not_ allow you to... ::takes out a list:: ...torment Vash in any way shape or form, torment any of the guests, fire a gun THAT INCLUDES YOUR ANGEL ARM!!!..... ::reads about twenty more things:: ...or kill anyone. Got that?

Knives: ::smirks:: You're just a pathetic spider. You have no power over me.

Ryoko: ::grins evilly:: Is that so?

(lights suddenly dim out so only the candles are lit. Wings that are black and demonic on the top and angelic and white (going into electric blue on the tips of the feathers) going down sprout from her back. Green light surrounds her, blowing her hair around (like in _Fellowship of the Ring_!!!).)

Ryoko: ::towering over Knives:: I AM THE AUTHORESS OF THIS FANFICTION! THEREFORE, I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT TO YOU!!!

Knives: ::still smirking:: Prove it.

Ryoko: ::still evil-looking; grins even more evilly:: YOU ASKED FOR IT!!!

::poof!::

(Knives has long curly hair and is wearing a pink ballerina dress. Music starts playing, and he starts dancing to the Nutcracker ballet's _Waltz of the Flowers_.)

Ryoko: ::turns him back to normal a few minutes later, when the song is done::

::poof!::

Knives: Oo ::in a fetal position on the floor, sucking his thumb::

Ryoko: ::goes back to normal:: That oughta teach you!

Vash: Oo ::staring at Ryoko:: I'm scared.

Ryoko: ::glomps him:: Well, don't be! It's almost Christmas! ::smiles::

Vash: Oo Right.

-----

(A little later, everyone's eaten a bit, and is now sitting around in the living room. Dominique, Blaze, and Ryoko are sitting by the fire, chattering away about random girl things. Legato is sitting on the floor, stuffing his face with pigs in blankets. Vash, Rai-Dei, Zazie, and Wolfwood are talking as Wolfwood's simultaneously trying, however unsuccessfully, to get Blaze under the mistletoe again. Millie and Meryl are talking. Meryl's sitting on the couch with one of my kitties, Jasmine, in her lap. Millie is sitting on the floor, playing with my other kitty, Lily. Caine is fooling around with the flame on the candle in the middle of the coffee table. Knives is leaning against the wall on the other side of the fire place, still twitching from his little "ordeal" with Ryoko and from keeping himself from glomping Lily and Jasmine.)

(Everyone has their shoes off. Dominique has her hat and trenchcoat off. Legato has his trenchcoat off. Millie, Meryl, Zazie, and Wolfwood have their coats off. )

(Oh, I forgot to mention their clothes! Ryoko's wearing a thick maroon turtle-neck long-sleeved shirt, boot-cut baggy jeans, and red- and green-striped toe socks. Blaze is wearing a black long-sleeved _Alegria _shirt, torn up (at the knees) jeans, and black socks. Vash is wearing a baggy red turtle-neck sweater, black cargo pants, and black socks. Wolfwood is wearing a white button-up shirt, black pants, and black socks. Legato is wearing a black long-sleeved high-collared shirt, brown fingerless gloves, dark tan jeans, and black socks. Dominique is wearing her metal eyepatch (duh.), white button-up shirt with a dark green knitted vest-shirt over it, jeans, and white toe socks (sorry, but for some reason, I can perfectly imagine Dominique wearing toe socks!). Zazie is wearing a khaki sweater, jeans, and white socks. Caine is wearing what he usually wears: that funky brown cloaky-thingy. Rai-Dei is also wearing what he normally wears. Millie is wearing a white button-up shirt with a black knitted sweater (with a bright green Christmas tree on the front, ornaments, and a Santa sleigh and his reindeer on the back) over it, jeans, and white socks. Meryl is wearing a white sweater, white skirt, and navy tights. Knives is wearing a black turtle-neck sweater, jeans, and black socks.)

Dominique: This party is getting kinda boring...

Ryoko: ::grins evilly:: Then I guess it's about time I brought out this! ::takes out a bottle::

Blaze: Um...Ryoko?

Ryoko: Yes?

Blaze: Why're you suggesting we play Spin The Bottle at a Christmas party?

Ryoko: ::grins stupidly:: 'Cuz I can!

Dominique: ::sweatdrops:: Good reason.

Ryoko: ::stands up:: Ok, everyone! Sit in a circle! 'Tis time for Spin The Bottle!

Wolfwood: ::whispering to Vash:: Spin The Bottle at a Christmas party?

Vash: ::shakes his head:: Don't ask.

(Everyone but Caine (who is still preoccupied with the candle; lol!) and Zazie (he doesn't like mushy stuff) sits in circle, some a little more reluctantly than others. ::grin grin, nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more!::)

Knives: Are there going to be restrictions on who the bottle stops on?

Ryoko: Restrictions? Like what?

Knives: Like....spin again if a boy's spin stops on another boy?

Ryoko: Nope! No restrictions! And here's the twist: The kiss must be on the lips. No kissing on the cheek or nose or anything like that. The lips have to visibly touch. And no quick pecks, either. The kiss has to last a few seconds, if not longer.

Knives&Vash&Wolfwood&Legato&basicly all the guys: ::gulp::

Millie: Oh! Oh! Can we start with me??

Ryoko: Sure! ::sits down, spins the bottle::

(bottle lands on Wolfwood.)

Millie: ::giggles and kisses him::

Wolfwood: ::pulls away from the kiss a few seconds later. spins the bottle; praying:: Pleasedon'tlandonaguypleasedon'tlandonaguy...

(bottle lands on Blaze.)

Blaze: Oh joy.

Wolfwood: ::sighs mentally:: Pucker up.

Blaze: Fine. ::kisses him::

Ryoko: Yay! ::takes pictures::

Zazie: ::sweatdrops:: Is it just me....or are they making out?

Ryoko: Making out? What kind of making out?

Zazie: The Frenching-with-some-wondering-hands making out.

Ryoko: Oh, _that_ kind?

Zazie: Yes; _that_ kind.

Ryoko: In that case, no.

Zazie: Ok.

Ryoko: Blaze would kill Wolfwood if he did that.

Zazie: Uh-huh.

Ryoko: Wolfwood's just holding it out longer.

Zazie: I see...

Blaze: ::pulls away 10 seconds later, then spins the bottle::

(bottle lands on Legato)

Legato: ::sarcasticly:: Kissing a spider...how wonderful.

Blaze: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's just get this over with.

Legato: ::kisses Blaze; pulls away a few seconds later; spins the bottle::

(bottle lands on Dominique)

Legato: ::eyebrows raise:: What a coincidence...

Dominique: ::in monotone:: Kiss now. Talk later, Legato-sama.

Legato: ::kisses her, holding it out for a few seconds::

Dominique: ::hastily pulls away, turning away from him and making a face. spins the bottle::

(bottle lands on Rai-Dei)

Dominique: ::smiles:: Now, _this_ is more like it!

Rai-Dei: ::smirks; kisses her, holding it out longer than Legato did::

Ryoko: ::takes pictures::

Rai-Dei: ::pulls away about 5 seconds later; spins bottle::

(bottle lands on Ryoko)

Ryoko: ::eyes go a little wider:: Well, then....can't say I was expecting _that_!

Vash: ::goes red with anger:: _Sure_ you were. You're the one typing this.

Ryoko: ::glares at Vash:: That's beside the point, Pinhead.

Vash: ::pouts::

Ryoko: Eh....let's just get his over with.

Rai-Dei: ::kisses her::

Vash: ::face turns more red::

Wolfwood: ::takes pictures:: This could make some great blackmail!

Vash: You're not making this go any better.

Wolfwood: I know!

Ryoko: ::pulls away a few seconds later, makes a face:: Blech; stubble! I need some punch! ::gets punch::

Rai-Dei: Do I _really_ need a shave _that_ bad?

Dominique: No.

Rai-Dei: Ok.

Ryoko: ::comes back after downing a glass of punch:: Ok, my turn! ::spins the bottle::

(bottle lands on Vash)

Vash: ::eyes go wide; blushes, this time, with embarrassment:: Um....uh.......

Wolfwood: ::nudges him:: Just kiss her already!

Blaze: C'mon! I kissed Wolfwood, and I'm still alive!

Wolfwood: Hey!

Blaze: Can't you take a joke?

Wolfwood: Yes; I was just playing along. ::smiles::

Blaze: ::laughs a little:: Terrorist priest...

Ryoko: Well, Vash? I'm waiting!

Vash: ::smiles:: Not any longer, you aren't! ::kisses her, holding it out for 10 seconds::

Blaze: Go Ryoko! ::takes pictures::

Meryl: ::blushes bright red in jealousy::

Zazie: They're making out...

Dominique: "Making out" meaning...?

Zazie: Frenching with some wondering hands.

Dominique: On Ryoko's part, I don't think so. Her mind may not be as... -how do I put this?- ..._innocent_ as she may let on at times, but she wouldn't make out like that. On Vash's part, I wouldn't be surprised. He did say, that first time I met him, that during our conversation, he could've groped me at least 5 times.

Zazie: ::shrugs:: True.

Dominique: And since _that's_ the kind of making out you're talking about, no.

Zazie: Really? Are you sure?

Dominique: I don't see any wondering hands. Do you?

Zazie: Well, it's kinda hard to tell, what with Vash holding her so close...

Dominique: ::shrugs:: True. But look, ::points at Vash's hands:: they're not moving from that tight hug he's got her in.

Zazie: I see...

Dominique: Nope; they're just Frenching.

Zazie: ::eye twitches a little; makes a face:: Eeew, you're right.

Ryoko: ::pulls out of the kiss:: I never would've known the infamous Humanoid Typhoon was such a good kisser!

Vash: Well, now you know. ::smiles, spins the bottle::

(bottle lands on Meryl)

Meryl: ::pretending to be annoyed:: Oh, great. (but she's mentally doing a happy dance! XD)

Vash: Ok, then... ::kisses her::

Wolfwood: ::takes pictures::

Meryl: ::pulls out of the kiss 3 seconds later; spins the bottle::

(bottle lands on Knives)

Knives: ::in monotone:: Oh joy......let's just get this over with... ::kisses Meryl, not holding it out very long, then spins the bottle::

(bottle lands on Millie)

Ryoko: ::grins:: And we're back to Millie!

Millie: ::giggles:: Ok then... ::kisses Knives, holding it out not much longer than Knives' kiss with Meryl::

Zazie: Well, I guess we're done with the party games...

Ryoko: ::grins wider:: Not quite! I've got another one!

Vash: ::groans:: Why am I getting a bad feeling about this?

Ryoko: ::takes out a box of candy canes and a bag of pretzels:: Everyone, take a candy cane, but don't eat it!

(everyone takes a candy cane, except Caine)

Caine: ::looks up from the candle he was messing around with; looks at Ryoko:: ..... . ... ... .... .... ...?

Ryoko: ::shakes her head:: No, you _can't_ sit this game out, Caine.

Caine: ... ...??

Ryoko: Because we need 2 teams of 6 people to play the game, and if you don't play, we'll be one player short!

Caine: ... ...'. ... .... .... ... ..... .. ....?

Ryoko: 'Cause I don't want to leave anyone out!

Caine: ::is quiet for a while:: .. . ...... .... .. ..........?

Ryoko: ::sighs:: Yes, you do.

Caine: ::hangs his head; reluctantly takes a candy cane::

Ryoko: Ok, now we need 2 teams of 6 people.

Wolfwood: Can Blaze be on my team?

Vash: ::talking to Ryoko:: And could you be on my team?

Ryoko: ::sweatdrops:: Um.....I think I'll just draw names.

-----

(a few minutes later, the teams are chosen as follows:

Team 1: Rai-Dei, Blaze, Ryoko, Dominique, Legato, and Caine

Team 2: Millie, Zazie, Wolfwood, Vash, Meryl, and Knives)

Ryoko: Ok, both teams need to line up in separate lines, one person in front of the other.

(both teams line up in the aforementioned order (see the team listings))

Ryoko: Ok, now everyone, put the end candy cane in your mouths so the curved end is sticking out.

(everyone does so)

Ryoko: Both teams have one pretzel. The object of the game is to pass the pretzel _without breaking it_ to the last person in line and back. Here's the twist: you can't use your hands. You have to pass the pretzel by using _only_ the curved end of your candy cane.

Millie: ::grins:: Oooh! Sounds like fun!

Ryoko: Yep! ::hands both Millie and Rai-Dei their team's pretzel:: Ok, everyone! On your mark.........get set..........**GO!**

Rai-Dei: ::passes the pretzel with difficulty to Blaze::

Millie: ::passes the pretzel with ease to Zazie::

(and so on, and so forth. Anyways, Knives accidentally broke his team's pretzel when passing it back to Meryl, and Rai-Dei's team won)

Ryoko&Dominique&Blaze: YEEEEEEE!!! ::group hug::

Vash: ::a bit of the curved end of his candy cane is hanging out the corner of his mouth; he's been nibbling on the end that is in his mouth:: Awww man!

Wolfwood: ::sulks beside Vash:: Our team sucked...

Vash: _Seriously_...

Ryoko&Dominique: ::stop hugging; stare at Vash and Wolfwood:: .....

Blaze&Legato&Zazie&Caine&Rai-Dei&Millie&Meryl&Knives: ::stop what they're doing to turn and stare at Vash and Wolfwood::

Ryoko&Dominique&Zazie&Rai-Dei&Millie&Meryl: ::start sniggering a little, trying as hard as they can not to burst out laughing::

Blaze: ::closes her eyes and shakes her head:: Looks like you've done it again, Ryoko...

Knives: ::slaps his forehead:: Oh, good Lord...

Legato: ::smirks; is also trying not to laugh or smile:: Well, would you look at that.

Vash: ::clueless:: What? What's so funny? Do I have something stuck in my teeth?

Wolfwood: ::also clueless:: Was it something I said? Is my fly unzipped?

Vash&Wolfwood: _What's going on?!_

Caine: ::looks as if he's sniggering; points a little over Vash's and Wolfwood's heads:: .... ..!

Vash&Wolfwood: Huh? ::look up to see...

...**MISTLETOE!!!!!** XDDD::

Vash&Wolfwood: ::both do a _biiiiiiiiiiig_ sweatdrop::

Vash: OO ::blushing bright pink:: Ryoko, you.......you _wouldn't_....

Ryoko: ::almost failing to stop herself from bursing out laughing:: Oh, but I _would_!

Knives: ::shaking his head:: No way in _Hell_.... ::taps Legato on the shoulder:: Hey, Legato?

Legato: ::turns to face Knives:: Yes, Master?

Knives: Remind me to torture Ryoko after she finishes this chapter.

Legato: Yes, Master.

Blaze: ::taps Knives on the shoulder:: Hey, Knives?

Knives: ::turns to face Blaze:: What.

Blaze: Can I join you and Legato in torturing Ryoko?

Knives: ::shrugs:: Sure.

Blaze: Ok.

Knives&Legato&Blaze: ::turn back to stare at Vash and Wolfwood again::

Wolfwood: ::trying as hard as he can not to look at Vash; is blushing the same shade as Vash:: Soooo...

Vash: ::staring at his feet:: Yes?

Wolfwood: ::looks up at Vash; spots a bit of the candy cane hanging out of Vash's mouth:: Um.... ::takes Vash's chin:: Are you gonna finish that?

Vash: ::blushes a few shades darker:: Um....if you _want_ it, no...

Wolfwood: ::without hesitation, kisses Vash on the _lips_, giving him the longest, hottest, tongue-twisting, omfgwtf-hide-your-children's-eyes kiss anyone's ever seen::

Meryl: ::falls over twitching::

Ryoko: ::takes several pictures:: WOOOOOOO!!!!!

Dominique: ::hopping up and down excitedly:: Oh! Oh! Get doubles of those! I want copies!

Ryoko: _Are you out of your mind?!?!_ Of _course_ I'm getting doubles of these!

Dominique: YEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! ::glomps Ryoko::

Blaze: ::eye starts twitching:: Ryoko....you....little....what....the....hell....

Ryoko: ::grins:: You can thank me later, Blaze!

Millie&Zazie: ::whistling::

Millie: WOOO!!! GO MR. PRIEST!!!

Caine: ::claps like crazy:: ... .., ......!!!!!

Wolfwood&Vash: ::part from the kiss half a minute later; start staring at each other::

Vash: ..........what the hell just happened?

Wolfwood: ..........I have no fucking idea.

Ryoko: ::grins evilly:: Speaking of fucking......

Blaze: ::plugs ears:: NO-NO-NOOOOO!!! LALALALALA-I'MNOTLISTENING-LALALALALA!!!!!

Knives: ::eye twitches a little:: .....ok. Now I _know_ I'm gonna kill that horny little bitch.

Ryoko: ::freezes; slowly turns around, flames in her eyes:: _What.....did.....you.....just.....say?_

Knives: ::smirks:: That you're a horny little bitch. And _that's_ only putting it lightly!

Ryoko: ::glares scorching white-hot nettle-tipped daggars at him; all the lights flicker out and all the candles are blown out by non-existant wind. Her wings (see earlier on in the chapter for description) immediatly sprout from her back, and green light surrounds her again, blowing her hair around as she immediatly towers over Knives. Screams a long line of naughty, yet colorful, words in Japanese, Egyptian, and Elvish; then screams at the top of her lungs::** _DAMN YOU FUCKIN' BASTARD TO HELL!!!!!_**

(2 pairs of metal manicals and chains that only Knives can see appear out of nowhere, clamping around his wrists and ankles. Before he can scream, he blacks out.)

---

(Knives awakes chained to a metal chair in a room with a black floor and he is surrounded by black mist.)

Knives: Where the hell am I?!

(A tall figure shrounded in a thick black tattered cloak walks out of the mist and approaches him. The figure reaches to a switch floating in mid-air and flicks it on. Instantaneously, the place lights up. Knives is chained to a chair in the middle of a white room with neon polka-dots and brightly-colored flowers and smiley faces painted on the walls. There are huge speakers all over the room. Instantaneously, a song of pure evil blares from the speakers. A song so evil, it would make even the most deaf person's eardrums blow out. A song so sinister, so diabolical, and so hell-bent, it threatens to make me want to sprint away from the computer as fast as my legs will carry me and cower in a safe corner deep in my closet, hugging a Vash plushie and locked in a fetal position. A song that goes by the name of.....)

_**I LOVE YOU!!! YOU LOVE ME!!! WE'RE A HAPPY FAMILY!!!**_

(.....The Barney Song. ::shutter::)

Knives: ::starts screaming his head off as the song continues and the tall figure laughs maniacally::

_---_

_(Meanwhile, back in reality...)_

Knives: ::falls over, unconcious::

Ryoko: ::goes back to normal, murmuring curses under her breath:: Serves him right. ::turns around to see everyone but Blaze and Dominique staring at her:: _Whaaaaat??_

Rai-Dei: OO What....the _fuck_....did you just do to him?

Ryoko: ::shrugs:: Made him go to sleep. Forced his dreams to turn out a certain way.

Dominique: And what would _that_ be, Ryoko?

Ryoko: ::grins evilly:: Only the single worst way imaginable.

Blaze: ::still pretty ticked about the whole Vash-and-Wolfwood-making-out-under-the-mistletoe ordeal:: That being...?

Ryoko: ::grins more evilly:: 3 words: _The Barney Song._

(silence)

Everyone: ::burst out laughing::

Blaze: This has got to be the single craziest fanfic you've ever written, Ryoko.

Ryoko: ::grins insanely:: I know. Isn't it wonderful?!

* * *

**Attention all Wolfwood, Legato, Rai-Dei, Vash, and Knives fanatics:** Yes, I know you're all positively screaming your heads off with anger right now, and are most likely sharpening your weapons so you can hunt down and kill Millie, Blaze, Dominique, me, and Meryl (but mostly Blaze and I), but GIMME A BREAK!!! This fanfic is just for fun!!! It's nothing to take seriously!!! And like I said in the author's notes, I will _not_ tolerate any flames or claims for this, so if you, right now, are seriously planning on flaming or claiming, do us all a huge favor and _fuck off_. ::grins:: 

And don't you _dare _get on my case about the little "Vash-and-Wolfwood-making-out-under-the-mistletoe" ordeal. If you haven't already figured it out, I absolutely _adore_ yaoi, _especially_ WolfwoodVash. I know that some of you might think it's sick and wrong, but I'll respect your point of view if you respect mine. ::smiles::

On that note.....

**HAVE A MERRY, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!**


End file.
